There is a lot to be said about this topic. No one video or one blog post can even begin to scratch the surface.
There are many reasons why people get hurt in church and there is a time to explore all those reasons. My main concerned in the video below and this articles is to work toward moving forward.
In the video I outline the three top things to do to start the journey toward moving past being hurt in church. Please know, I am not minimizing any hurt you may have experienced. I just deny its right to trap you in a cycle of pain forever.
#1- Choose to forgive.
Forgiveness is so hard to talk about because many have an incorrect view of what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is NOT-
- Saying it's okay.
- Saying it didn't hurt.
- Allowing that person back into your life again.
- Ignoring the pain.
- A feeling.
Simply put, forgiveness is...
- Primarily between you and God. Not you and them.
- Not allowing what happen to you control you any more.
- Not being a victim anymore.
- Taking their power away.
- Giving them to God.
- A decision.
When you choose to forgive, you are saying you are not going to let them control you anymore. Instead, you are allowing God to take control and dispense with His justice. It is not easy and it is a slow process. But the 10,000 mile journey of forgiveness begins with the single decision to do so today, by faith.
#2- Lower Your Expectation of People. Raise Your Expectation of God.
Many people get hurt in church because they expect everyone in church to be perfect. Nope. There is no such thing as a perfect church. The people in church are just like you and me. We are all broken people in different stages of walking toward healing from the broken things of our past. Because of this, I would be surprised if you DID NOT get disappointed by people in church from time to time. So, let everyone in church off the hook. Instead, raise your expectation of what God can do through a bunch of broken people who are working toward healing together.*
*Note- This does not mean we turn a blind eye to abuse. If you have been abused or know of abuse occurring, seek help immediately.
#3- Be the Answer.
I have watched so many people do a great job in walking toward healing and lowering their expectation of others. However, many fail at this final point. They put up walls to keep bad people out. The problem is walls don't discriminate. They keep everyone out and you locked in. Healing won't be complete until you start speaking life into those around you again. Healing isn't just about you. It's about taking people with you.
It's a long journey and will take the rest of your life, but that's what legacies are made of... one small step at a time.
Link to video: https://youtu.be/Nl4yGFF_aiU